The Power of Inviting

The Power of Inviting

Inviting someone to do something can be powerful. Why, partly because we are giving them the opportunity to act, that is to be agents for themselves, to act instead of being acted upon. An invitation shows respect to the individual and their agency, in that we are inviting as opposed to telling or demanding. An invitation gives us the opportunity to make a choice. It causes us to think,

evaluate and then decide. This process of thinking, evaluating and deciding opens the door for us to receive inspiration. When we are confronted with a choice the Holly Ghost is given an opportunity to influence our decision. Without a choice (think, without an invitation) it is if we are moving forward on autopilot (think, “being acted upon”). It is when we are at the crossroads of choice that the Holy Ghost can guide us in our decisions, if we are listening.

When we stray from inviting and insist on telling or compelling we effectively close the door on the Holy Ghost and his enlightening influence. We also put ourselves in the roll of the adversary whose goal was to destroy the agency of man. In the pre-existence we fought fiercely to maintain our agency, so it is no wonder that we react negatively to someone telling us what to do as opposed to inviting us or encouraging us.

In the last session of General Conference the word invite, or a form of invite, was used 32 times. In my coordinating council meetings and with other General Authorities I have frequently heard the council “May I suggest…” There are many ways to invite others without using the word “invite.” Christ extended an invitation when he said “Come, follow me.” And when he said, “Be ye perfect, even as I or my Father which is in Heaven is perfect.”

Just as we cannot live on bread alone, we don’t want to limit ourselves to only inviting. When should we instruct instead of invite? This is a very good question that places us at the very crossroads of choice. Each time we must use our agency to decide when to instruct and when to invite. We must; think, evaluate and then decide which method would be best. Should we invite our children to brush their teeth or should we instruct them to brush their teeth. Should we invite our children to refrain from dating until age 16 or should we instruct them to wait until age 16? Should we invite our spouse to apply the breaks for an unseen elk crossing the road or should we tell them to “SLAM ON THE BRAKES!” Should the Church invite us to keep records of baptism and priesthood ordinations or should they instruct us to keep records. Obviously, there are many times when “instructing” is more appropriate then “inviting.”

I doubt that there is a set of rules for when to use one or when to use the other. However, I believe that “instruction” works well for explaining rules, procedures and methods. I think it is also works well in a parent to child relationship in regards to stewardship responsibilities. It is also the most effective method in the workplace for training employees and giving assignments. You will never hear your boss say, “I invite you to come to work on time.”

On the other hand, I believe that “inviting” works best when people have already been taught correct principles and you want to create an opportunity for them to exercise their agency. As they exercise their agency it causes them to; think, evaluate and decide. The opportunity for growth is extended. The power of the invitation comes from the exercising of agency coupled with the divine influence of the Holy Ghost as an invitation is considered.

When those with whom we live and work have been taught correct principles and are of an accountable age, it is more Christ like and more effective to invite, then it is to tell or instruct. It shows that we respect their freedom to make choices and decisions and it shows that we understand the principle of agency. It subdues our rebellious nature to resist being acted upon. When we want someone to behave in a certain fashion or change an undesirable behavior we must choose which to use; instruct or invite. If it is a child, instruction may be the most appropriate as you are still teaching correct principles. If it is an adult, an invitation may be the most appropriate. We are told that it is difficult if not impossible to change someone else. However, as the Holy Ghost enters the equation during the inviting process, change can take place. When an invitation should be extended but we choose something more compelling, we usually end up exercising unrighteous dominion by telling, instructing or coercing. When we do that we miss out on the blessings of peace, trust and inspiration from the Holy Ghost.

I hate statistics, I hate goals……really?

This is a really long post so I will understand if nobody reads it. If you do make it all of the way to the end, please leave a comment as I would like to know what you think. Setting goals and gathering statistics in the church can be an unpleasant experience and even a trial of ones faith but it need not be.


The desire of every person in the church, from the primary teacher to the prophet, is to save souls, to help people come to Christ, to foster a change of heart, and to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. However, having different roles or callings in the church can define the way we view statistics. Our position or calling doesn’t require us to have a negative view of statistics but often times we choose to be negative based on the view our calling gives us. Having served in a variety of positions in the church I have had many occasions to collect statistics, evaluate statistics and set goals. I have not always been fond of setting goals and gathering statistics. In fact, I have been irritated and annoyed by the whole process at various times in my different callings. However, as I have grown in my callings I have begun to learn the importance, significance and beauty of statistics and goal setting. It is from this new vision that I share the following thoughts.

If we make a chart of church callings with the prophet at the bottom and say a Sunday school teacher at the top and then fill in the middle with stake presidents, bishops, scoutmasters, nursery leaders etc. We find that those at the top have the most interaction and potential influence on the local church members. This makes sense. Primary teachers, Sunday school teachers, YM and YW advisors have more contact with those in their stewardship arena then say the stake president, area seventy or the prophet. Teachers are in the trenches, doing hands-on work with the people. In contrast, those at the bottom of the chart have more of an administrative role.

The prophet oversees the entire church, the Area seventy; an area, and the stake president; a stake. Their role is mostly administrative and as such they work more directly with local leaders as opposed to individual members. Statistics and numbers provide a method for determining the health of a ward, stake, area or the entire church. The further removed from the trenches, the greater need for the numbers and statistics because of the greater distance from the individual members and because of the size of the stewardship. It does not mean that the leaders at the bottom of the chart love the individual members less, but it does mean that they are viewing a much larger picture, an organization made up of hundreds or thousands or even millions of people. As such, numbers and statistics help leaders understand where direction, training and support are needed.

Some fear that numbers and statistics don’t really tell the whole story. That is probably true, numbers and statistics can never tell the story of spiritual experiences or acts of service but at the same time they do paint a picture, one that is usually accurate in regards to the overall health of a unit. Others fear that they will look bad because of their statistics or that because of poor statistics they will need to set goals and try new things.

That may me the case. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is one of continuous improvement. We are always trying to do better in our personal lives and in building the kingdom of God. If we know that only 50% of the people attend sacrament meeting in our ward that tells us something. The statistics are not evil they are simply a number letting us know that one half of our people are not taking advantage of the sacrament and are missing out on great blessings. As Christ’s servants, as his Hands, He has asked us to bring them back into the fold. That number, that statistic is information provided to us so that we can act. It should cause us to discover who (real names not just numbers) are missing and cause us to invite them back. That’s what numbers and statistics do; they help us to understand who needs our help.

Sometimes, as we gather statistics we feel pressured to make our numbers look good. Sometimes, we even hope that our leaders and others will think we are doing a good job based on our statistics. We want our numbers to look good so that we look good. When we do that the statistics and numbers become more important than the people. We think more about ourselves than others. Elder Bednar talked about this. He said, “The work is never about me and it is never about you.” In the same talk, speaking to missionaries, he said, “Preach My Gospel Missionaries are focused upon helping Heavenly Father’s children worthily receive the covenants and ordinances necessary to return to Him, and they are not focused on compiling impressive statistics that supposedly make them look good.”

Statistics and numbers are tools to be used, in righteousness and in building the kingdom of God. When used properly, when used as directed by our leaders, they help us set priorities and set goals in carrying out God’s work on earth. Statistics help us to become agents to act and to not be acted upon.

The scriptures teach us that we need to be humble, submissive, easily entreated and teachable. When we employ statistics in the context of the characteristics mentioned above, we are able to understand their purpose and value. Statistics no longer become intimidating, threatening or bothersome; instead they become tools to build the kingdom of God on earth. Likewise, we are then able to set-a-side feelings of self-promotion, aggrandizement and selfishness, all of which are built on the false foundation of pride.

In the Church, we are taught the principle of “return and report.” We are given assignments and asked to report in ward council, personal priesthood interviews or by some other method. The report gives information back to the leader that “things are being accomplished.” It also places accountability on the person who was given the task so that they feel responsible for completing the assignment.

Goals and goal setting are a type of assignment frequently given to priesthood leaders. They are often despised like their close companion, statistics. In the world, we generally recognize that goals can be of great worth in our own personal lives and at work. But, in our church positions we tend to think of goals as un-necessary, inconvenient and intrusive. We are usually accepting of goals when assigned by our boss at work or when we set our own goals. However, when the church asks for goals we buck and duck, complain and whine, moan and groan. Some even feel that goal setting is totally inappropriate in a church setting.

Again, the scriptures teach us that we need to be humble, submissive, easily entreated and teachable. When we employ goal setting in the context of the characteristics mentioned above, we are able to understand the purpose and value of setting goals. Goal setting becomes no longer intimidating, threatening or bothersome; instead it becomes a tool to build the kingdom of God on earth.

President Monson said, “Write down your goals and what you plan to do to achieve them.”

Someone else once said, “There are no lazy people, just people lacking goals.”

Here are five good reasons to set goals.

1. Goals bring unity and focus
2. Goals allow us to measure progress
3. Goals help us overcome procrastination
4. Goals give us motivation
5. Goals make us accountable

Elder Bednar taught, “Goals are worthwhile and help in accomplishing the Lord’s work. But if we achieve goals primarily to receive praise and recognition from our families and friends, from other missionaries, or from Church leaders, then we are practicing priestcraft – and we need to repent.”

Again, we need to be doing the Lord’s work for the right reason(s). Setting goals for the wrong reason is partly why goals have a bad name.

If we look at goals and statistics as intrusive, impersonal, unnecessary or as bureaucratic bean counting we need to adjust our attitude. Having a poor attitude about statistics and goal setting limits our capacity to serve the Lord. It also diminishes the ability of others to serve because poor attitudes poison others.

Concerning attitude and how it affects others, a successful business man said “One of my first managers used to say that a bad attitude is like cholera: The person who catches it is vocal in his misery and gives the plague to everyone around him before finally kicking the bucket.”

Our attitude should come from hope and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, having trust in him that he guides the Church through living prophets and apostles. They in turn direct the church through other leaders such as the Seventy, stake presidents and bishops. As we strive to become humble, teachable and easily entreated, we will gain an understanding of the importance of setting goals and using statistics. Our minds will be opened so that we are able to comprehend and view the church from a larger perspective, helping us to understand why statistics are used and why goals are set. As we move forward in love and kindness, having charity for all, and being diligent in our service, the Lord will bless us and strengthen us in all our doings, including setting goals and compiling statistics.

Parable of the Cookies

One day a little boy decided to bake cookies while his mother was out working in the garden. The little boy had helped his mother bake cookies many times before and thought to himself, “I know how to bake cookies.” So, he got out the flour and several other things he thought might taste good in cookies. Before long he had a bowl full of ingredients that looked just right to him. He was beginning to add water to his cookie dough when his mother walked into the kitchen. She was surprised to see her clean kitchen a mess but was even more surprised to see it was because her son was making cookies. She decided to help him finish his project and thought it could be a wonderful teaching moment.

The cookie dough was very hard to work with. It was sticky and difficult to roll into little balls to place on the cookie sheet but they did the very best they could. The little boy was so excited when the first cookies were pulled from the oven. “They don’t look at all like your cookies,” Said the little boy. “Let’s taste them,” he said trying to show some hope. After much scraping and prying they were able to free one cookie from the cookie sheet. “They don’t taste very good either,” said the little boy. “How come my cookies don’t turn out like your cookies?” The little boy asked his mother in a very disappointed voice.

The little boy’s mother pulled out a recipe book and showed him the “rules” for making cookies. She said, “Let’s try it again and follow the recipe.” She explained to him how people have been baking cookies for hundreds and hundreds of years and that as they learned how to bake cookies, better and better, they wrote down what they learned in a recipe book. She told him that certain things are always needed to make good cookies. The little boy’s mother told him about the importance of flour, oil, sugar and other necessary ingredients that are found in almost every  cookie recipe. She explained that lots of other things can be added to make cookies special but you still need to start with the basics.

Together, the little boy and his mother picked out a cookie recipe that looked really delicious. They followed the recipe and made some of the best cookies the little boy had ever tasted.

It seems like everyone knows that in order to bake good cookies we must follow the recipe. Most of us have experienced eating cookies when someone forgot to put in one of the necessary or basic ingredients. When that happens the cookies just don’t turn out right. We understand how important it is to follow the recipe and not skip basic ingredients.  It is a no-brainer. We know this. We understand this. It makes sense to us. In fact, we are surprised when people think they can bake cookies, not follow the recipe, leave out important basic items, and still think they will be delicious, yummy cookies. We know it just doesn't happen.

Sometimes as parents we fail to have family prayer, family scripture study and family home evening and then we act surprised when our children don’t turn out like what we thought they should. Today, we are blessed to be living in a time when we have prophets and apostles who have given us the important, basic ingredients for raising a family. This recipe is even better than the cookie recipes that have been perfected over the ages. This recipe isn’t man made but comes from a loving Heavenly Father who wants to help his children become all that they can become, to become like Him. How sad it is to work so hard to make a batch of cookies, leave out important basic ingredients and end up with awful tasting cookies because WE failed to do certain, simple things. How even more sad and tragic if we fail our children by not doing simple basic things that have been given to us as a recipe for creating successful families. Here are some of the things our prophets and apostles have said about following the recipe for having successful families.

Elder Robert D. Hales said in October 2010 General Conference:

“When we follow the prophets’ counsel (recipe) to hold family home evening, family prayer, and family scripture study, our homes become an incubator for our children’s spiritual growth. There we teach them the gospel, bear our testimonies, express our love, and listen as they share their feelings and experiences. By our righteous choices and action, we liberate them from the darkness by increasing their ability to walk in the light.”

 

David A. Bednar said in October 2009 General Conference:

“Each family prayer, each episode of family scripture study, and each family home evening is a brushstroke on the canvas of our souls. No one event may appear to be very impressive or memorable. But as the yellow and gold and brown strokes of paint complement each other and produce an impressive masterpiece, so our consistency in doing seemingly small things can lead to significant spiritual results."

Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great. D&C 64:33

"Consistency is a key principle as we lay the foundation of a great work in our individual lives and as we become more diligent and concerned in our own homes.”

 

Elder Larry E. Lawrence said in October 2010 General Conference:

“Courageous parenting does not always involve saying no. Parents also need courage to say yes to the counsel of modern-day prophets. Our church leaders have counseled us to establish righteous patterns in our homes. Consider five fundamental practices that have the power to fortify our youth: family prayer, family scripture study, family home evening, family dinner together, and regular one-on-one interviews with each child.”

 

I know that holding family prayer, family home evening and family scripture study are not the only things we need to be doing in order to build and save our families. We must also provide physical necessities, love, patience, kindness and much more, the list goes on.  However, family prayer, family home evening and family scripture study are basic, fundamental ingredients given to us as part of an inspired recipe for family success. It is my testimony that they will make a difference as we diligently strive to implement them in our families. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

 

To learn more about how you can strengthen your family

check out this link:http://mormon.org/family

 

 

Families Can Be Together Forever Video

 

 

What's up with teenage brains

Have you ever wondered why teenagers do dumb things? It seems like they are always getting themselves into trouble because of poor decisions, poor actions or risky behavior. As parents, it leaves us dumbfounded and bewildered. Why? Because we are sure that they know better. Just a few short years ago they were making good, rational decisions but now as teenagers it is like their bodies have been taken over by some alien being. Well, it appears that there is a scientific explanation for why teenagers are sometimes impulsive, irresponsible and irrational. It has something to do with the frontal lobe where rational and sensible decisions are made. In short, teenage brains are just not firing on all cylinders. It was nice for science to explain this perplexing teenage brain cloud that has been noted and observed for centuries, but I'm still waiting for science to announce a cure. For more information on adolescent brain development, check out the exciting links below.

Dr. Blakemore

Click here: Adolescent Brain Development

Click here: Inside the teenage brain

Click here: Brain Basics

The Mormonizing of America

Stephen Mansfield is a non L.D.S author who has written a book on Mormons (Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints). Recently several articles have been published about his book. The artilces generally says positive things about the Mormon people.

Here is a quote from Stephen Mansfield, 

"Plant Mormonism in any country on earth and pretty much the same results will occur. If successful, it will produce deeply moral individuals who serve a religious vision centered upon achievement in this life. They will aggressively pursue the most advanced education possible, understand their lives in terms of overcoming obstacles, and eagerly serve the surrounding society. The family will be of supernatural importance to them, as will planning and investing for future generations. They will be devoted to community, store and save as a hedge against future hardship, and they will esteem work as a religious calling."

Here is a link to an article that ran in the Huffington Post:The Mormonizing of America

Violence in the Media - Movies, TV and Games

One of the hardest battles to fight in the home is media depicting ever increasing acts of violence that are increasingly more realistic. This change has happened over several decades so that those who watch a steady diet of Hollywood media have largely become desensitized to the violent programing. Children growing up with the current offering of violent media have never known anything but the horrific violence that took us years to tolerate and finally accept. So how do you tell your teenager that what is normal in the media today is not acceptable. They have little past experience with anything other than realistic, gory violence. In addition to the violence in many video games, frequent gaming has the potential, not only for huge amounts of wasted time, but possible addiction to the cyber world. In addition, most research shows that there is a link between watched violence in the media and aggressive, violent behavior. And in today's video games the violence is not just watched but lived.

So how do we make and keep our homes safe? How do we create a sanctuary for our children to grow and to become acquainted with the Spirit and Spiritual things? The answers will come as you build and keep a close relationship with your children and as you teach them values and morals. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, has a great pamphlet titled, For the Strength of Youth, that gives some basic guidelines concerning media and technology. However, it can't cover every situation so as parents, you are going to need to set family rules and guidelines concerning how much and what is acceptable. Holding dinner discussions about this topic and having family home evening lessons devoted to the dangers of violence in the media are great starting points. Below, I have links to several different articles relating to violence in the media that can be used as resources for your discussions and lessons. You can also view three videos on video game addiction and media violence.

 

A Look at Violent Video Games

Sex And Violence In Games (CBS News) 

Violent Video Games

 

Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacaraments

Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments is a talk given by ElderJeffrey R. Holland on January 12, 1988 while he was serving as President ofBrigham Young University. The talk is not about media and technology but ratherit is about the sacredness of procreation. It is one of the finest talks I haveever heard on why we should be virtuous and morally clean. It is added to thisselection of topics on media and technology because it teaches the doctrine(s)of why we should strive to keep our souls clean from the dark media andtechnology that can lead us to immoral behavior. Understanding true doctrineallows us to change our behavior and overcome evil and temptation. I haveincluded a link to his talk in the written form (written form pdf) and below you canalso listen to a recording of his original address given back in 1988 inthe Marriott Center. The talk is about 45 minutes long and is most appropriatefor adults and teenagers.